What I've Always Wanted
by whyharroder
Summary: Sakura finds out what its like to marry Sasuke Uchiha, and its not what she thought it to be. What happens when this dream turns into a nightmare? Can she get her husband to love her, or will someone else catch her attention?
1. Chapter 1

**I KNOW! I really shouldn't be making a new story, but I just NEED to! My other stories have not been getting many reviews, and it's depressing me **** well, here I go…**

"Sasuke-kun! Are you home?" I yelled when I walked through the door. As usual, there was no response. I set the bags of groceries on our kitchen table. This was my routine. In fact, I have never once curved away from it.

Every day, I would wake up without him, get ready without him, walk to the hospital without him, pick up food without him, eat dinner without him, and go to sleep without him. It was like he didn't even live with me.

Usually, Naruto would come over and eat with me, but he was on a mission. That left me alone.

As I sat and ate the store-bought noodles, I started thinking about my situation. Every day, I would hope to see my husband at least once. That's normal, right? … Who am I kidding? That is definitely NOT normal. But, I guess I should be happy. He picked me. _Me. _Over all of the other girls.

When he proposed to me, I'll admit that I was shocked.

_**FLASHBACK:**_

_Sasuke had just come back to the village. He wasn't sentenced to death or prohibited from leaving the village. He just had to stay on D rank missions for a year. That was a shock to everyone. We couldn't believe that the elders would let him get off that easily. The bigger shock, though, was what he told me._

"_Sakura," he said, one day. He invited me over to his house to talk about something. That has NEVER happened before. "I need you to help me."_

"_With what?" I questioned. Uchihas __never__, and I mean never, asked for help._

"_Help me… rebuild my clan." I was in shock. Never in a million years would I think that Sasuke, __**Sasuke Uchiha**__, would want me to bare his children. I mean, my bright pink hair and emerald green eyes were a huge turn-off if you wanted babies with dark features. I didn't say anything, so he took that as a yes. "When are you free?" he asked._

"_W-what?"_

"_There does need to be a wedding, you know. I wouldn't want to have children before I'm married." I made an 'O' with my mouth. I was getting married!?_

"_U-Um, h-how ab-bout in two months? I'm free then." I suggested. _

"_That's fine. I'd like for it to only be a small wedding though. Close friends and family only."_

"_Okay." I managed to say. Sasuke walked to me. He was close enough where I could feel his breath on my ear._

"_Please, keep this a secret until next month. I don't want you to be attacked my pathetic fan-club before the wedding." He spoke._

_The next month went normal. No hints of romance, in public and in private. I didn't really expect any though. He did want it to be a secret._

_Oddly, I felt happier than ever for that month. The thought of marrying Sasuke Uchiha made me dizzy with joy. I would be marrying the love of my life._

_When we announced the wedding date, nobody knew what to say. I don't blame them; Sasuke never did hint that he liked me. Ino, on the other hand, told me to cancel it. I'm sure that she was just jealous, because she came up with the stupidest excuses._

"_He doesn't love you." She would say. "He's only using you. You will be miserable for the rest of your life." I never listened to her. I won our rivalry. I got the guy._

_As expected, the wedding was extravagant. Even though there were not many people there, it was my dream wedding. It was held outside, in a grassy area near a beach. There was a beautifully decorated cake with a groom and a bride, Ice sculpted into swans, flowers, and statues and there were even cherry blossoms covering every seat. _

_Naruto walked me down the aisle. I said that Kakashi should do it, since Naruto is like my brother, but he refused to let anyone besides himself give me away. I knew that this would crush him. The poor boy was in love with me. Selfishly, I ignored his feelings and chose to marry Sasuke._

_We didn't make up our own vows, so we recited the traditional ones. When I heard Sasuke say "I do." I almost cried. We would be starting a life together, as husband and wife. "You may now kiss the bride." The priest said. Sasuke pulled me close, looked deep into my eyes for a moment, and gently placed our lips together. It was my first kiss. I had been saving it for him._

_The thing that frightened me the most was that I felt no love in Sasuke's gaze. There was nothing. No feeling at all._

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

"Sakura, what are you looking at?" I heard. When I looked up, I met the eyes of my raven- haired husband.

"Nothing. You're home early. I didn't think I would see you."

"Aa. I was tired, so Tsunade let me leave. Did you take a pregnancy test yet?" He asked. I couldn't speak. I was too ashamed. The test was, again, negative.

"It's fine. We can try again tonight." He tried to cover up his disappointment. It was no use. I could hear the regret he had of marrying me in his voice.

"I'm so sorry." Was all I could say. He didn't respond with words. He only carried me to the bedroom. He continued to peel off our clothes and did what he would usually do when I would see him. The only thing that he never did, though, was kiss me. I haven't felt his lips since the wedding, and that was a year ago.

As I lay in bed, naked, I think about how much I have let him down. Each night we try, I always test negative. Why hasn't he divorced me already? I am no use to his goal. I can't produce babies for him.

Sasuke sleeps silently next to me. I turn to him and touch his lips gently. I could only imagine what they would feel like against my own lips again.

So, I do something dangerous. I push my face close to his. I could already feel him breathing. Closing my eyes, I connect our lips. It feels so good, that I let out a loud moan. He hears this, and moves around.

"S-Sakura? What are you doing?" He asks, groggily.

"Nothing, Sasuke. Go back to sleep." I say. If only I would be able to touch his lips while he was conscious.


	2. Chapter 2

**WOAH! OVER 100 VISITORS?!?! Thank you for everyone who clicked on this story. But more thanks to those 2 who reviewed! I wuvv youuus(: Hahaha but seriously, 100 visitors and only 2 reviews? PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, **

**REVIEW!**

* * *

I rolled over, hugging something warm. "Sasuke. You stayed." I sleepily whispered. There was no response. "Sasuke..?"

I opened my eyes, only to see a long, brown pillow. _Now I feel like an idiot._ I got out of bed and realized today was Sunday. I don't have work on Sundays. Most people would be ecstatic, but I'm not. My days off are actually the worst part of my week when I was alone.

So, I walked to our kitchen to make some coffee. I was really gloomy until I looked at the calendar. '_Sunday, January 31__st__: Naruto returns from his mission_.**' **Suddenly, I got giddy. I got to spend the day with Naruto! He always cheers me up, no matter what.

"Sakura-chan, I can't." Naruto said over the phone.

"Why not?" I interrogated. _Please don't make me stay here alone._ I already got dressed and ready to head out.

"I-I uh…"

"Spit it out!"

"I have a date."

I was fuming. "So you're just gonna blow me off for a _date_? We ALWAYS do something together on Sundays!" _How could he do this to me? He knows how lonely I get!_

"Sorry, S-Sakura-chan. I really like her."

"WHO?!"

"H-H-Hin-n-ata."

"Fine." I spat and hung up. _That bastard!_

I sat there on the counter, clothes on, makeup done, and no plans. I was pathetic. It wasn't long before I felt the warm tears streaming from my eyes. _Why am I getting so mad? Naruto has a life. I should be happy that he's going out with Hinata._

For the next ten minutes, I balled my eyes out on the counter, wallowing in sadness.

"Sakura, what are you doing?" I heard.

When I looked up, it was Sasuke. "Sasuke, what are you doing home?" I asked

"There were no missions for me today. Why are you crying?" he uninterestedly asked.

"It's nothing… Do you want to go out for lunch?"

"Hn. I guess." was his response.

"We don't have to, it's just that I haven't seen you in so long, I-"

"I said I'll go, Sakura. Calm down." He interrupted.

_Take that Naruto. I'm going on a date too._

* * *

"Where do you want to go?" I asked as we walked down the street. "I heard Ichiraku Ramen expanded to form an actual restaurant."

"Okay."

"I haven't been there yet, so I don't know how big it is, but-"

I have. It's not huge, but it is a restaurant." He interrupted, again. I just smiled. Being with Sasuke wasn't the same as being with Naruto, but we haven't spent too much time together so maybe we just need to reconnect.

A waitress sat us in a table that was in the exact center of the room.

"I'll have the Miso Pork Ramen, and a Pepsi." I ordered. "… Sasuke?"

"I'm not hungry."

"O-Oh. That's fine." There were a few moments of silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence, either.

"Hahaha! N-Narut-to-kun, you're real-ly f-funny." I heard a familiar voice. Hinata?

"Thanks, Hinata-chan." _CHAN? He only calls me chan!_

"Sakura, are you alright?" Sasuke pulled me back.

"Y-Yes. I'm fine. I just noticed Naruto and Hinata walk in."

"Hn." For a second there, I saw a hint of worry in Sasuke's eyes. He couldn't possibly worry about _me._ That somehow got me thinking about the kiss again.

"S-Sasuke…?" I bravely asked.

"Hn?"

"C-Could y-y-you…" My heart was beating faster.

"Could I?" He asked confused.

"Could y-you… k-k-ki. Never mind. It was stupid." I am such a coward.

"It didn't sound stupid. What is it?" He asked. That surprised me. Usually, he would let it go.

"No, no, no. It's okay."

"Tell me, _please_." He demanded.

_Gulp._ "K-K-K-Kiss me?" I finally spoke. Sasuke didn't move. He looked at me, unfazed. "See" I said nervously, "I told you it was stupid."

To my surprise, though, he leans in. His lips not by my lips, but near my ears. "It wasn't stupid." The breath from his godly lips warmed my cheeks. "I was hoping you would ask me that."

His lips moved away from my ear to my mouth. "S-Sasuke, you don't h-"

"Yes. I do." He whispered before slowly pressing his lips to mine. I gasped, which allowed his tongue to enter my mouth. I couldn't stop my heart from accelerating. _Kami, he is one good kisser._

Sasuke eventually pulled away. I panted, dizzy. Sasuke smirked.

"SAKURA-CHAN! WHAT A COINCIDENCE!" Naruto shouted from across the room. _He ruined the mood!_

"Dobe. We're on a date." _A date? When would Sasuke ever call this a date?_

"Oh, me too. I just wanted to apologize to Sakura-chan."

"Naaruutooo! T-The food is h-here." Hinata yelled form their table.

"Just a minute, Hinata-chan!" he yelled back. "So, sorry Sakura-chan. At least you found _someone_ to keep you company." He told me. His voice sounded like acid. _Was he mad at me? I'm supposed to be mad at him._

"No problem," I smiled. Naruto walked away grunting. "What's with him?" I asked to myself.

Sasuke answered, "He's jealous."

_No way. Naruto is DEFINATLEY not jealous. He's on a date with Hinata. Naruto could not still like me, could he?_

* * *

**AAH! Hope you enjoyed. If you want me to keep updating, please review!(:**

**Thanks everybody!**

**OOH, P.S. Check out my other stories please&thankyou**


	3. Chapter 3

_**It's been a while, so you may want to re read the previous chapters to know what story you're reading lol. i have to do this allll the time.**_

* * *

After that date... or rather the kiss, my life didn't really go back to normal. I started to work at the hospital all seven days of the week. There was no tangible reason why, I just felt that I needed to stay out of the house. Awkward times with Sasuke were not fun, and he was coming home early EVERY day. This should make me happy, but strangely, it doesn't. The only thing I could think about was how abnormal he was on that date. At the time I didn't notice, but he said, "I was hoping you'd ask that," after I asked him for a kiss. Where the hell did that come from? That is such an un-Sasuke thing to do. It doesn't make sense.

Naruto called me a few times, but I couldn't answer him. What was I supposed to say? _"Oh, hey Naruto. Are you jealous that I married Sasuke?" _That was another reason I started working the extra day.

"Sakura, get to bed," I heard Sasuke call.

"Huh? Don't you want to-"

"No, not tonight." He replied sternly.

Add another thing to my list of changes: Sasuke didn't want to try for a baby anymore. For the past week, we've had that exact same conversation before I went to sleep. That is _extremely _out of the ordinary for Sasuke, the man who wants to rebuild his clan. I never see him in bed either. I go to sleep before he does, and he wakes up before I do. The only proof I have that he slept in the same bed as me is the warmth he leaves in the sheets and on his pillow.

"Are you sure?" I asked, hoping he would say no.

"Yeah, I don't want to,"

"Oh… goodnight," I said uneasily. Sasuke responded with a curt, "Night." I started to walk to our bedroom, but I felt my face getting hot. Emotions flooded my head. Hurt, disappointment, sadness, and most of all: anger.

"'Night?' What's that? Have you ever considered my feelings for once!" I erupted.

"Sak-"

"**No! **For once, could you _please_ just shut the hell up and think of how I feel? You took five years of my life! Five. Whole. Years. What were you doing during that time? Huh? OH THAT'S RIGHT, you were insane on the path of revenge!" I continued. The tears that were being held in my eyes, were now spilling over my cheeks, "You know what I did, Sasuke? Do you even know!"

"Calm down, Sakura. Just Ca-"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?" I demanded. My chest violently shook up and down from my breathing. The only thing I could hear was heaving. Sasuke's face finally looked shocked. Then, for a brief second, it saddened.

"…No," Sasuke finally answered.

He took a step towards me, with his arms slightly outstretched. _He thinks he can be forgiven so easily?_ Out of pure instinct, I backed away shaking my head.

"I'll tell you what I did," I spoke softly now, sobbing lightly, "I waited for you… No, I didn't just wait. I _searched _for you. I prayed _every_ night for you. I used all five of those birthday wishes for you. _MY _wishes were _wasted _on you. And what do I get in return? Nothing."

Sasuke started to get mad too, "NOTHING? I _married_ _you_. How is that nothing? What more could I do!" At that, I started to laugh. _What could he do? He could actually love me… Not even that. He could just think of me once in a while, show me some respect…get to know me._

"Y-Y-You" I grabbed my chest. The air stopped its flow to my lungs. The pain was unbearable, but it didn't last long. My knees touched the cool floor, and everything went pitch black.

* * *

"Teme!" I heard, seeing nothing. "What the hell did you do to her!"

"Shut up, dobe, I didn't do anything." Another man answered tiredly.

"Nothing? Sakura-chan almost had a heart attack! A fucking heart attack!"

"N-Naruto?" I asked, now recognizing the voice, "You're here?" I opened my eyes to see both men beside me. Sasuke sitting in a chair by the wall, and Naruto near the door. Sasuke tried to speak, but Naruto cut him off.

"SAKURA-CHAN! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!" he ran and hugged me.

"Why am I in the hospital?" I questioned, but then I remembered. I had a fight with Sasuke, and must have gotten too worked up, and passed out, "Oh…"

"Sakura-chan, what did this idiot do to you?" Naruto asked, almost mad.

"Naruto, go tell a nurse she's awake," Sasuke ordered, avoiding the subject. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Sasuke," I said, and he simultaneously called my name. "You go first."

"Sakura… I…hn…You go first," He choked. _Well, well, well. The mighty Sasuke Uchiha getting tongue tied?_

"Umm… Sasuke, I think… I think I should move out for a while." I sighed.

"W-What…?" Sasuke said, stunned. I could feel his eyes piercing through me, but I didn't look at him, "Hn. Fine, but where are you going to live?" He asked.

_That's it…? There's no "Stay with me, Sakura, I love you"?_

"I guess I'll ask Naruto if I can stay at his place for a while." I shyly spoke.

"Why don't you just go back to your parent's house?" Sasuke pouted.

My fake smile dropped. "My parent's house?" I questioned, annoyed, "Oh, you mean those alcoholics that I used to live with? Yeah, I'm NEVER going back there again."

"I know, Sakura, but please, don't stay with Naruto." He all but begged.

"Sasuke, this is my decision. Not yours." I retorted. Sasuke sighed, and the room became quiet. I still couldn't look at him. In a way, I felt guilty about leaving him. Part of me wanted to change my mind and the other part couldn't let go of the fight last night.

I could hear Naruto screaming for me from the hallway, "SAKURA-CHAAAN! I'M COMING!" He burst through the door huffing. "I found… a doctor. Tsunade-baa-chan…was busy." He panted between words. Sasuke got up, and headed for the door. "Eh? Teme, where are you going?" Naruto questioned.

Sasuke paused, but kept his back to us, "Naruto, take care of her." With that, Sasuke left.

"Hm? Sakura, what was that about?" he asked.

"Err…" I didn't mean move out _right away_… "You see, Sasuke and I had a fight…No, it was a big disagreement, and well, I'm moving out of his apartment for a while." I looked up at Naruto, whose jaw almost dropped.

"Wow… What does that have to do with me?" Naruto's eyes were still wide open.

"Um, I was hoping that I could stay at your place for a little while. You know, just until Sasuke and I figure things out." I closed my eyes tight, hoping and praying he would say yes. If he said no, where would I go? I couldn't just run back to Sasuke right away.

"Well, you know my place is kind of small…" He said and murmured a few things to himself, sullenly. _Oh no, he's not going to say yes._

"Sorry! If you need your space, I completely understand!"

"What! No, I meant that it'll be small for _you_! Plus I am kind of a slob." He chuckled embarrassed.

"Ok, I guess I'll move in by tomorrow!" I answered.

_**Yeah, I know. It's been forever since I've updated this, but I'm not giving up on it. So, please stick with me and this story. Review? PM? I wanna know what people think of it. I'll take suggestions, criticisms, or comments! Thanks(:**_


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